There are melayu lucah tublrdogs, and then there are fancydogs. This gift guide is for the fancy dogs.
We're talking about the Roberts, the Katherines, the occasional Linda: The dogs who have somehow transcended the trappings of caninehood and acquired human names. Like fancy humans, these dogs have expensive taste and are probably snooty, but you still want to impress them. In fact, you might want to impress them desperately.
SEE ALSO: 12 gift ideas for TV lovers who don't need a 1,000th Funko PopWe're here to help you do just that. Here are the best gifts for the dog with a human name in your life.
1. A very refined food stand
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable An elegant piece of furniture of which Chip and Joanna Gaines would be proud. Plus, as we all learned in third grade, cursive is fancy.
Price: $145+ on Etsy
2. A bottle of dog-friendly CBD oil
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable Haven't you heard? Dogs love CBD oil now, and BarkShop was the first retailer to meet the demand. Be warned, though: While some pet owners noticed their pups were visibly calmer after taking the product, other owners didn't detect any changes at all.
Price: $69 on BarkShop
3. An incredibly fashionable designer bag
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable Pawlenciaga. Chewy Vuitton. Michael Klaws. All the luxe brands fancy dogs (who understand capitalism and can read labels) know and love.
Price: $14.99 on Amazon
4. A puzzle treat dispenser
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable Dogs can't play TwoDots, but they can use this highly sophisticated Nina Ottoson treat puzzle.
Price: $24.99 on Chewy
5. A mid-century modern ranch home
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable It's labeled "1118 Woof Ranch," in case you were curious. We hope your fancy dog is a skilled gardener.
Price: $3,500 on Etsy
6. A gorgeous and not-at-all-tacky credit card toy
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable Every fancy dog's dream: An unlimited line of credit they can also chew on.
Price: $11.99 on Amazon
7. A doggie DNA testing kit
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable So your dog, Richard, can subtly lord his results over the other dogs at the dog park.
Price: $84.99 on Chewy
8. Some breath-freshening treats
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable Dogs with human names should also have human breath. Post-dentist human breath, of course.
Price: $39.99 on Chewy
9. Athleisure
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable Bless the fancy dog in your life with the valuable gift of brand clout.
Price: $9.59+ on Chewy
10. A faux mink pet bed
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable This will only work for a small dog -- perhaps a Chihuahua named Lucille -- but it's still extremely funny.
Price: $72.99 on Houzz
11. A lovely pink coat
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable While we're talking faux fur, check this out this trendy coat. It's on the darker end of millennial pink, but it still counts. And doesn't this model (named Amy, presumably) look thrilled?
Price: $23.98 on Amazon
Featured Video For You
This smart feeder will stop your pets from mooching off each other