If zombies are popeye and olive oil sex videosmindless meatheads and werewolves are ill-behaved mongrels, then vampires are vapid parasites — putting style over substance, even when it comes to scares.
Netflix’s Night Teeth, directed by Adam Randall, falls prey to that very pitfall, prioritizing its monstrous stars’ costumes and lighting far above a decent story or script. But the lack of bite in this supposed vampire horror thriller matters less when the seduction is so satisfying.
Jorge Lendeborg Jr. leads as Benny, a good-natured college kid who agrees to chauffeur socialites Blaire and Zoe, played by Debby Ryan and Lucy Fry, for one night in LA. Of course, the two women soon reveal themselves to be blood-thirsty, power-hungry nightcrawlers with plans more insidious than drinking the bartender dry. As the action picks up and the tension rises, Benny must navigate his new role as getaway driver to a pair of deadly party girls taking on a vast network of vampiric foes.
Best friends for... well, ever. Credit: netflix Over a reasonably snappy hour and 48 minute runtime, this spiritual successor to fearful flicks like Fright Night creates a compelling enough world with likable enough characters that watching for the glitz and gore alone is justified. Joining Ryan and Fry in Night Teeth’s legion of the undead is Game of Thrones’ Alfie Allen, who plays big bad Victor; as well as Sydney Sweeney and Megan Fox in bit parts that are visually stunning if otherwise utterly forgettable.
Night Teeth’s central conflict focuses on Victor’s almost mob-like campaign for citywide domination, which sees Blaire and Zoe act as hitwomen for hire on his behalf. Opposite them is Benny’s brother Jay, played by Raúl Castillo, standing in as a sort of modern-day Van Helsing.
Benny’s struggle to choose sides in this mortals versus ghouls showdown is well-acted and heartfelt. From his friendship with his abuela to his waiting-in-the-car antics, he’s a charming hero whose fate you will care about. What’s more, his contagious sense of compassion will get you invested in a handful of other characters not developed as well as he is.
Megan Fox and Sydney Sweeney's costumes are worth it alone. Credit: netflix But even with all that heart, Night Teeth somehow manages to lose its stakes. Though the action is decently compelling (you can look forward to a bunch of neon-soaked car chases and a bunch of dude’s wielding harpoons), the pacing and intensity fail to hold any real tension. It’s not that the events are predictable. Rather, they occur at such a steady, stylish clip you’ll end up more mesmerized than moved.
That said, it’s beautifully rendered — the animated opening sequence is especially stunning — and it has enough fang-tastic acting opportunities to make putting it on in the background fun. It’s clear the cast had a good time making what ultimately feels like an aged-up DCOM. (Remember Mom’s Got a Date with a Vampire?) So you’ll probably have a decent time too. Just keep your expectations low and your neck covered.
Night Teeth is now streaming on Netflix.
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Topics Netflix