Unfortunately,?????? ????? ????? ?????????? there are a lot of good tweets. And candy corn debates, scary movies, and the constant threat of jump scares make Halloween season a particularly good time to tweet. But no matter how many spooky jokes go viral this October, none will top the best two Halloween tweets of all time.
You might be familiar with them already. Here they are:
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It's not that there are no other good Halloween tweets out there. It's simply that in the years since these two emerged (2013 and 2016, respectively) no other Halloween tweets have been better. And we have reason to believe that none will be better in the future.
You might be wondering if we're going to rank these two tweets, or make some kind of statement about which is better. We're not. They are each perfect in their own right, each a shining beacon of autumnal hope on a platform that houses worse and worse content each day.
Look at Dippold's "oh fuck" stare, her cheerful Halloween paper plate, the slightly bemused-looking bystander. The face paint, which probably took a while! It all gets better the more you look at it. Of course, the replies are full of people saying it's their favorite tweet of all time. These people all have great taste.
And then there's the haunted house tweet. Clocking in at eleven words, 260 fewer than the Gettysburg Address, it packs easily six times the punch. It's concise, vivid, wonderfully hyperbolic... simply gorgeous in every way. $40 is way too expensive for a haunted house!
So there you have it. We're afraid to say anything else about these tweets because we don't want to ruin them. Perhaps we already have. Anyway, happy Halloween. You're not going to do better than this.